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Jesus Can't Play Rugby
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Sung to the Battle Hymn of the Republic


CHORUS: Free beer for all the ruggers, Free beer for all the ruggers

Free beer for all the ruggers, Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves


SINGER: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause his head gear is illegal

ALL: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause his head gear is illegal

Jesus can't play rugby 'cause his head gear is illegal

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!


SINGER: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause he's only got 12 men

ALL: Jesus can't play rugby 'cause he's only got 12 men

Jesus can't play rugby 'cause he's only got 12 men

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves!


OTHER VERSES:

The goal posts give him flashbacks

His dad fixes the games

The Jew won't pay his dues

He's got holes in his hands

He's Fucking Dead

He can't support a hooker

Jesus can't play touch judge 'cuz his arms point both ways

He's nailed to a cross

He's got some open wounds

He wears illegal spikes


Be sure to finish this song with the following verse,
to make sure you don't go to hell (for singing this song, at any rate).

ALL Jesus, we're only joking.

Jesus, we're only joking.

Jesus, we're only joking.

Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves.